The pictures you see are from the most intens period in my Life. It feels very vulnerable to share these with you and yet I feel it is time to share about it and show all of Me. Waking up this morning I feel sad and exited at the same time. The last year for me was a journey of deep healing and listening. Through all layers of my consciousness. Entering the realm of not knowing. Meeting my most pure Self. It was intens and magical beyond words. Since 2009 I have been challenged to fully commit and dedicate myself to my spiritual Path. It is not even a choice as it goes by itself.
Since my childhood I’ve been drawn to spirituality. As a young child I already read books about UFOs, extraterrestrials, Bermuda Triangle, Atlantis, astrology, tarot, etc. My mother was also interested in these topics. As I read, I understood everything instantaneously. While the content was what I could not understand at that age. While reading it felt like home. At that age I really had no clue what spirituality was about.
So the Journey began …..
A lot of people who know me say I need to start write a book about my life’s journey and I will for sure. But for now I will share a little bit about last year. As a few of you already know is that in November 2018 I’ve received an initiation at the Amuru Muru, a Sacred gateway at Lake Titicaca. I heard and read a lot about initiations and always thought you will receive them by undergoing a ritual, ceremony or inviting someone to initiate you.
I had visited this place several times already. Each time I had a spontaneous Kundalini awakening. Started to crawl and shake for hours in a row. During that proces I received visions of past lives and memories of my ancestors. I’ve felt their pain, suffering, shame, guilt and grieve. It was a lot to take in and process. Still grateful that I was not alone every time and that I had support of a lot of beautiful Sisters. After hours of shaking and crawling I became sick for a few days. Diarrhea and sometimes even vomiting. Laying in bed and could not even walk, completely exhausted.
So back to November 2018. I stood in the Gateway this time and it was completely different as the other times. An immens electric energy wave came through my whole being. It felt like my whole being was pulled apart. All my cells were lost in a void. I was nowhere and I was nothing anymore. When I stepped out of the Gateway I was disorientated. I still knew I was hosting a Retreat, so I shared with one Sister what happened and I fully stepped into my facilitator role again. That evening during dinner I started to feel very bad. My heart rate went down and I felt myself pulling away.
A few Sisters said you should go to bed. So I did, but I felt so bad that I knew I should not sleep alone. So I went to the room of two beloved Sisters. It almost felt if I could die at any moment. While writing now I can still connect with the intensity of that day. Only now all the emotions are gone. Therefore I share it with you now and not earlier. That night I had visions and a man was sitting on my bed. Someone I know in this Life, who I have a very strong connection with. He was in my room, sitting on my bed. Out of his hands bright white light started to radiate straight into my heart. It was so much love that I almost could not receive it. I also said at one point. Please stop, it is too much, but it kept going.
That morning I woke up and still I felt like dying. My body was exhausted and I almost could not walk anymore. We had to walk to the restaurant for breakfast. Two Sisters needed to support me because I almost collapsed. So weak I felt myself. Entering the restaurant I felt I was starting to collapse. They put me on the ground and there I lay for hours. The doctor had to come from far away. The whole time waiting I was on the edge of passing out. Receiving downloads on information from my ancestors. But also going through all their suffering. I thought when will it stop. But the only thing I could do was surrender and breath through it. All the women of the retreat were sitting around me and guiding me through this process.
The doctor came and examined me and she could not find anything. So the owner of the hotel already contacted an employer of her, who is some kind of medicine man. While lying in bed in the hotel with a few of my Sisters around me he enters the room and something magical happened. Time stood still. He just stood there, in silence, observing my whole being. No words, just energy. Everybody who was in the room was in a different state of being. After a moment of Silence he said, you are a Maestra, you’ve received an initiation at the Amuru Muru Portal and this is gonna be the last time you will die. Did I knew in that moment that the whole process would last for a full year.
That night I traveled Astral to a different realm where all kind of beings were sitting on a table waiting for me to enter the room. They telepathically connected with me and asked me if I wanted to die or of I wanted to go back to Earth again. While lying in bed my whole body was vibrating. I could feel that and also a Sister who was lying next to me. Another Sister who has been a nurse as a professional said to me the next morning that she felt the energy change in the room during that night. She assisted people during their transition to the other side. It was that energy that she could feel very strongly. She knew I was going very deep.
I choose to go back to Earth. That morning we went back to Cuzco. That journey was the most intens journey ever for me. In a bus for 8-9 hours feeling very sick and exhausted. With all there was going on inside of me. Arriving in Cuzco I lied in bed for days. Completely OUT. Sleeping during the day and processing all the downloads. But later that week again it hit me. The same as at Lake Titicaca. A good friend of a massage therapist I know in Cuzco is a Shaman. She called him and he connected with my Spirit and worked with me from a distance. It just took off the edges. But that evening it became intenser. So the next morning he came to the hotel to work with me.
He said exactly the same as the medicine man at Lake Titicaca. You are initiated at Amuru Muru. This is going to be an intens and magical proces. You can do this, because you are a Maestra. This is your Path and you have to dedicate yourself fully to it. Pffff ….. I almost could not let these words in. Me, why Me??? Do I really want this. He said if you are going to struggle it is gonna be more intens for you. But you will manage. Just connect with me and ask me to support you. He was there for me for three days. Checked on me the last day before I went Home. He looked at me and said yes you are alright now. Go and Fly!!!
I asked him, how much can I pay you? And he said nothing. This is what we already agreed before, a long time ago. I could only cry. Such a humble man who is fully dedicated to his path. Remembering me who I am in essence. He and the medicine man at Lake Titicaca wil both be in my heart forever. Arriving in the Netherlands my Journey continued. I wrote a lot about it the last year. Life Self is a Teacher and you are your own teacher. We all have a different journey. We just have to trust that life will take you where you need to be and giving you exactly what you need practice in.
Contemplating at last year I am so grateful of thankful for this Journey of deep healing and listening. It was a year of Full Embodiment. You can read about it but to really experience all these layers is a complete different story. Last year I had to let go of everything. My house, my stuff, my car, my company, my dog and my relationship. I was very sick for almost a year. I came home in myself then ever before. Connecting with my most pure self. I know my journey is my journey and yet I wish you to let go of who you think you are.
When you move beyond everything, you will feel Free.
That is my wish for you for 2020!!!!
Out of the Ashes she rose. FULL CIRCLE